


Smile (Before)

by Nadiahilkerfan



Series: Before and After [1]
Category: New Mutants (Comics), The New Mutants (2020)
Genre: Abuse, Also LOCKHEED, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Comfort/Angst, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Illyana though, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sexual Abuse, So much angst, Underage Rape/Non-con, but their is insane amount of angst, i saw more chemistry between Illyana and Dani, its a classic trope as well, legit, so give me that, then I did between Dani and rahne and Illy and roberto, this took me forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27911020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadiahilkerfan/pseuds/Nadiahilkerfan
Summary: In which, a story of Illyana, from Dani. And how underneath her cold exterior, she’s just a terrified girl, who never got a childhood, and who’s only friend is a little  puppet named Lockheed.
Relationships: (onesided), Danielle Moonstar & Illyana Rasputin, Danielle Moonstar/Illyana Rasputin, Danielle Moonstar/Rahne Sinclair, Roberto da Costa/Illyana Rasputin, also onesided
Series: Before and After [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043802
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	Smile (Before)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> Their will be a part 2 to this series focusing on the aftermath of the hospital!
> 
> Though I hope you like this!
> 
> Took me about a week and repetitive angsty scenes to finish!
> 
> Also, Kudos if you think Illyana deserves a hug

You might look at a Dani,  
and think she was just a shy headstrong girl. 

But their was one thing people didn’t get. 

She was insanely observant.

In five minutes here, at this mysterious place,  
she had already figured out so much.

Much less then she’d like to know, granted. 

But enough to get a basic feeling who was who.

Roberto acted like a playboy, throwing himself at any girl in sight. 

But really, it was a coverup. For something more private. She knew this cause through all of the catcalls and flirting, he never implied wanting to do more then have meaningless sex.

He was terrified of having a relationship.

Sam was haunted, depressed as well.  
All those injuries were technically self implicated.  
And while it was caused by uncontrolled powers, he could have tried harder to protect himself, and he always seemed a bit too eager to fly. 

And Dani knew it wasn’t from the elation of practice.

Rahne was religious, 

More like, someone had implanted that religion into her head.

Cause she was constantly referencing it, but it never held any truth in her eyes.

She was also attractive.

Something Dani couldn’t help but notice.

Her mousy-red short locks, mixed with her smallish frame dwarfed by her usual sweaters. It was everything Dani usually liked.

And usually she would try and see if the girl was interested, 

But their was one thing that was stopping her

And that was Illyana Rasputin.

Her first impression of her was conflicting.

The blonde sat there, a look of both indifference and utter boringness upon her slim face.

One of the first things Dani noticed about her was her eyes,  
blue and clear,  
yet, held all of the emotions she assumed she was trying to hide.

The complicated part was figuring out which emotion and why.

The second thing she noticed, jarringly at most, was the puppet staring at her. The glass eyes hauntingly cold.

Which immediately caused her to wonder if she was dealing with one of those people who thought they were younger then they were.

“New girl? How fucked up are you?”

Well that idea was shot down.

She was put off by the girls bitchy attitude. And could only watch in horror as Dr. Reyes forced Illyana of all people to show her around.

“Why don’t you show Dani around?”

“And why do I have too?”

“Because I’m Asking you too.”

Apparently Reyes’s word was final.

Dani nervously started to prattle off questions, mainly out of curiosity. But also because she was with someone she couldn’t fully understand with just her keen observations. And that scared her

“Why aren’t you-“

“-SHH,” Illyana commanded, a puppet covered hand raised. She leaned in as if the puppet was telling her something, “What’s that Lockheed?” 

Oh so that was their name. 

Dani could only stare at the girl, increasingly unsettled.

Illyana paused, smirked and nodded, “Oh, I know. I hate her too.”

Ouch. This girl was kinda cruel.

She didn’t have time to dwell on it tho, for they were at the front door before they knew it.

Illyana sighed and rolled her eyes, raising an uncovered hand—

—wait when did she move the puppet to her pocket??? Dani never saw—

She motioned it slightly towards a security camera in the corner.

“Dr. REYES!” 

Dani held her breath, seconds later the door opened up.

“Main buildings, dorms. Chapel if you believe in that shit. And the garden. You don’t know how to grow weed, do you?” The blonde listed off things with the least amount of energy and care she could muster. It was obvious she didn’t give a crap, about dani and this place

It took her a second to realize she’d been asked something.

“No?”

The Russian rolled her eyes, “What kind of Indian are you?”

“Cheyenne.” she answered honestly. 

Illyana gave her a condescending look from where she was crouching down, “I wasn’t actually asking.”

She jumped onto the top of the ledge, glancing behind her back.

“Your my lookout.” 

It wasn’t even said in a way that sounded like a demand, just as if Dani should have known this like she knew how to breath.

It infuriated her.

Soon enough the sound of a spray can was heard, as Illyana defaced what looked like the most depressing angel statue Dani had ever seen.

The words bubbled past her lips before she could even process them.

“Where are we?”

The blonde shrugged, “Who knows.  
Dr. Reyes always says the closest town is 20 miles away. But she could be lying, to keep us from trying to ecape.”

Dani nodded, the pressing worry of why they would try to escape being shoved to the back of her mind as soon as she noticed one tiny detail.

“Theirs no fence?”

Illyana only nodded at it with numbed interest, but she could barely tell over the pounding of her own heart.

“Nope. No fence. Nothing between you and freedom.”

Their was something their, something in her voice she picked up. Something she should take heed of. But right now she didn’t care. 

Taking off from where they stood, she ran as fast as she could. Wanting to reach the exit.

Wanting to leave this place.

She barely heard Illyana cheering her on.

“Run New girl, Run!”

“Faster!”

She picked up the pace, she could taste it, could taste the freedom, could taste the —

“—OOF!”

Pain exploded in her nose as she fell back with the momentum. 

She could hear the laugher emitting behind her, as she reached out gingerly.

Something blocked her.

It was yellow, but the shockwaves told her it covered the whole grounds.

The laughter only grew behind her, and she’d understood she’d just been made a fool of.

Dani turned around, seething.

Illyana stood a few meters away, her face smiling mockingly.

“Aw! This isn’t a hospital, Pocahontas. It’s a cage. And now your trapped in it, forever.”

Dani could feel the blood pounding in her head, feel it dripping down her mouth.

“Man, I really should have warned you.” The Russian mocked once again.

Dani was already pedaling forward, every intent on tackling her to the floor. Anything to make that smirk go away.

Instead, she landing painfully once again. Blearily blinking, she looked around, surprised, but not shocked, to find Illyana gone.

Apparently she could teleport.

She screamed in anger and rage, thousands of emotions coursing through her mind.

Dani desperately wanted to Label Illyana as a bad girl, a bully of a bitch per say.

It would be good and done with, give her an excuse to stay away.

But their was something off with her, and she just couldn’t figure it out yet.

So with infuriating reluctance, she put the Russian in the ‘not figured out’ category in the back of her mind.

Damn. Talk about horrible first impressions.

—————————————————————

Dani was walking with Rahne,  
who she thinks had taken a liking to her. 

Saving her from suicide, showing her around and stuff.

It wasn’t uncomfortable, and again, She would have usually reciprocated these feelings by now, or maybe not.

All she knew was she couldn’t get a certain blonde Russian out of the back of her head.

Rahne had just explained about Sams past. How he used to work in the coal mines and all.

Until his extremely cool looking power somehow ended it all.

“Poor guy.”

“Right?” The Scottish agreed, “Poor guy.”

The two walked into the cafeteria, walking up to a guy who was jamming to some tunes while cooking.

“And then there’s Roberto. His family’s, like, the richest family in Brazil.” Rahne narrated.

Roberto gave her a stare, “Thanks Doggy.”

Dani gave him a glare, with a nod in return.

Once they set down their trays, she turned back to the shorter girl.

“What’s his power?” 

Rahne got a mildly curious look in her eyes, cocking her head to the side.

“He won’t tell, but he’s got something. Parents sent him here to be cured.”

Dani snorted, giving a little smirk, “Is their a cure for being an asshole? Maybe he’s just the crazy one.”

The two of them passed Illyana, who sat with both legs splayed across the table. One hand covered with the puppet, the other drawing the most curious of symbols and shapes on her pants leg.

She noticed it with morbid curiosity, she wanted to know more. 

Rahne nodded towards her with obvious subtlety, “No, that’s spots already taken.”

Dani nodded, but Even with everything that had happened, she couldn’t fully believe it herself.

——————————————————————

Dani was willing to try out the weird meditation, noticing with a hint of annoyance that Illyana was the only one who didn’t comply.

Ugh, she was supposed to be meditating, not thinking about irritating Russian girls!

....

After whatever the heck was that meditation session, she noticed everyone going to a certain room, one she guessed was the normal hangout area.

She wasn’t even a few feet in before someone addressed her.

“Hey standing Rock! you want a Buffalo wing? You people love Buffalo, don’t you?” Illyana asked with false kindness.

Anger,  
Anger welled in Dani’s chest, rising up and settling in her eyes, glaring at the enraging blonde with all her might.

Sam, good ol Sam. Took her silence as a sign of hurt.

“Geez, Illya, will you just... leave her alone?”

“No,” Dani pacified, “It’s alright.”

Immediately she went back to glaring, starting her slow walk up to the Russian girl.

“Standing Rock.” That’s a good one. More original than “Pocahontas.” That was huge in fifth grade. You don’t scare me. My dad told me about bitches like you.” The words felt cold on her tongue, but it felt needed to be said.

Illyana stared at her, a look in her eyes unrecognizable. She chose not to focus on it. Mainly cause it would invoke feelings besides rage and empowerment.

Eventually, she raised her hand, the puppet -(Lockheed was it?)- held out tauntingly.

“Oh. Well, here. Why don’t you show us on the puppet… where Daddy touched you?”

That was IT!

Rage filled her like never before, and in a impulsive move, she reached over and ripped the puppet off her hand.

“LOCKHEED!” Illyana cried out, jumping the couch in one go.

Dani chose to ignore how desperate she sounded in that very moment, or else she might just give it back and apologize profusely.

The Russian launched herself at Dani, hands wriggling violently to retrieve her prized puppet.

“Hey guys, come on!” Sam wrapped his casted arm around Illyanas slender waist, dragging her away from Dani. 

Puppet now on the table behind them, and out of the way of danger, the blonde jabbed her elbow into the tender part of the cast. Causing Sam to release her, groaning in pain.

Adrenaline coursed through Danis veins.

“You keep my father’s name out of your mouth, bitch! You don’t know anything about me.”

Illyana walked straight up to her, highlighting just how much taller she was.

“Do you know anything?” She snarked with a twitch of her lip, “Sixteen years old and doesn’t even know her power. Seems like that mutant period should’ve kicked in by now.” 

And before Dani could react, the Russian shoved her. 

“Leave her alone!” Rahne called out.

Feet pedaling backwards, she struggled to stay balanced.

Illyana advanced, a deadly look of amusement.

“Yo, hold up!” 

She glanced at Roberto, “I’m helping her!”

Shove.

“This is therapy!”

Another Shove.

Dani was finally able to right herself, her back pressed against the table Lockheed was thrown, “Get your hands off me!” 

“Or you’ll what?” She paused, lips pursed in a pout.

A beat later they turned upwards in a powerful grin. 

“Let’s find out!”

Thin Hands grabbed dani’s head, slamming it into the table behind her.

“What are you gonna do, huh?” The blonde taunted.

Instincts kicking in, Dani slammed her head forward, delivering a power punch to the laters face.

“Fuck! Bitch!” Illyana cursed, moving backwards from the momentum. Glaring at Dani with a murderous look in her eye.

To Dani’s absolute horror, Eldridge type armor slowly climbed down from the Russians shoulder, coming to a stop at her fingertips. 

Only To which a GIGANTIC BLUE FLAMING SWORD APPERATED OUT OF NOWHERE.

What the FUCK?!?!?

Before she could even began to run, Illyana charged, death in her hand and murder in her eyes.

“Illyana, don’t!” Called out a new voice.

Dani braced for impact.

*KLANG!*

This was it, something had been chopped off. probably not her head cause she was still thinking. But here it was, Death. Brought to you by the Russian bitch who’s only friend was a puppet.

Uhhhh, shouldn’t she be in agonizing pain by now?

Glancing upwards, she was relieved to find she had not be struck, and a yellow force field hung between Dani, and the sword of death.

Her savior, Dr. Reyes, glared at the blonde.

“You know the rules. No powers in here. And definitely no fighting!”

“Sorry Doctor,” Illyana shrugged passively, “I thought maybe Dani was invincible. Just wanted to see if I was right.”

Dr. Reyes gaze was stern, “Solitary. Both of you.”

“But it wasn’t Dani’s-“

“-Everyone else, lights out in ten.” She ordered, shutting down Rahnes meek protests.

Dani shot her a thankful glance on the way out though, it was nice to have a friend here in the hospital of nightmares.

She was led into a specific hallway, identical harsh doors side by side.

The first one, for Illyana.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” Dr. Reyes stated.

The blonde rolled her eyes, turning around and holding the puppet up.

“I’ll see you in hell!” She (he? Was the puppet a He?) croaked out.

The door slammed after she finished.

“Come on.” The woman beckoned, leading Dani into her own cold lonesome room. Adjacent to Illyanas.

The tiny window latched shut with a depressing creek. Leaving Dani alone with her thoughts.

“What’s that Lockheed?” 

Oh god, and apparently Illyanas too.

Wait,  
that tone didn’t sound like her normal mindless banter.

“Don’t be scared.”

Oh, oh this was something deeper.  
Maybe something private?  
Did she know the walls were this thin? 

She pressed her ear against the wall in burning curiosity.

“We’ll go to our special place, okay? The Smiling Men can’t get us in our special place.” 

Dani pushed away with an inaudible gasp.

That.....

That wasn’t meant for her ears.

That sounded pitiful, and afraid. Something she’d never seen the girl Amit before.

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to ignore the words replaying in her head.

Special place?

Smiling men?

What were they? And what did they mean to Illyana.

And why god could she not shake the feeling their was something she didn’t know!

Well yeah, that was obvious.

But god, why did this haunt her so!

It just felt wrong! That vulnerable tone, the waver in her voice, the overwhelming feeling of a scared girl all alone, 

It should NOT belong to Illyana.

It just, it shouldn’t!

It didn’t feel right to hear it.

And that’s what Dani chalked it up to, as the tone was wrong and nothing else, or lest she starts worrying about the girl who just tried to kill her.

Wow, what a killer second impression.

Ugh, pun not intended.

Anyway, terrifyingly, things seemed to be happening in her very own room.

—————————————————————

Concern spread through Dani, aimed at Rahnes odd behavior. But it was ebbed away once she saw the gang in the hallways.

“Come on!”

“Where are you guys going?” She asked curiously.

“Reyes is asleep, so we’re going up to the—“ Roberto was cut off by a sharp, but efficient jab of Illyanas elbow.

“To the Nevermind, your not invited!” She finished with a fake sympathetic pout, her intention crystal clear.

Ugh, will this girl ever stop hating her?

“Come on Illy,” Sam pushed his way in front of the blonde, lightly, but meaningful. He turned to Dani. 

“Come on, We’ll show you.”

Thousands of emotions played across the Russians face, until finally she relented with a bitter “Whatever.”

Eventually, they found themselves in a rustic, but comfy room up top.

“So, you guys hang out in the attic?” She noted with a hint of amusement. 

All in all, it struck her as a tad bit cliche.

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, draped casually over a chair, “It’s one of the only places Reyes can’t watch us.”

“It’s full of cool shit, from back before this was even a place for mutants.” Roberto added , fiddling with some random junk.

Illyana stood up with purpose, grabbing a silver briefcase and setting it down.

“Let’s play a little game.”

...

Turns out it was a Lie detector, which intrigued Dani, as she’s never seen one before.

Roberto was currently hooked up, looking more confident then Dani thought he should.

“Dare.” He smiled coyly.

“You can’t say dare.” The blonde immediately rebutted.

Dani was starting to think this girl was just naturally a jerk.

“Fine, Jesus. Truth.”

Everyone switched glances, wondering what to ask, until Sam piped up.

“How many girls have you been with?”

Robertos bravado quickly returned, “Like I can even remember.”

“Rahne?”

The tiny girl shook her head, from where she sat at the detector readings.

Illyana smirked, “He’s lying. It’s a lie detector. We know.”

“Fine!” He huffed out, “Three.”

“That’s not bad.” Sam tried to pacify.

“No, look!” 

Truth be told, to Illyanas increasing enjoyment, the detector was going crazy.

Another lie.

Dani started to get confused. What was so wrong with saying who he’s been with?

“I told you.” He aimed at Sam.

Sam looked confused. “What?”

“Why not?” Dani asked meekly.

Roberto looked increasingly uncomfortable, muscles growing stiff.

“I get too hot.” He eventually admitted.

Sam let in a big inhale, similar to a peel of laughter.

“Yeah, you think it’s funny?” Roberto growled, ripping off the gear, “Your turn, asshole!”

They managed to strap the machine around Sam without affecting his many injuries.

Rahne nodded at his hand curiously,  
“Whats the coal for?”

Sam followed her gaze, letting out a sigh filled with pain and depression once they met their target.

“My dad gave it to me. Right before… he passed.”

“I’m sorry.” Dani sympathized. Her of anyone could relate to Sam right now, and just the thought of never seeing her dads kind smile again, made her eyes burn.

“Don’t be,” he shrugged, “I belong here, so…”

“I’m not sure any of us belong here.” The Cheyenne stated honestly. 

Cause even though they were all kinda messed up, this place was not helping them. No matter what Dr. Reyes said. 

She hadn’t been here for long, but it seemed like no one ever opened up. Which was the only way they could move on.

Sam frowned, “I think I do.”

“Why?”

“New girl,” Illyana interrupted in her thick Russian accent, “he already had his question. It’s your turn” 

Dani gazed at her uneasily, “Aren’t you gonna hook me up?”

The blonde smirked, “I don’t need a polygraph to tell if you’re lying.”

She gulped, whatever she was going to ask, she didn’t think it be simple.

“What’s your power?”

Oh, kinda simple. If not a tad irritating.

“I don’t know.” She stated for what felt like the millionth time.

“I thought you were going to say that.” She deferred, “How about another question? What’s with the stupid bear?”

A pang of anger rose in her throat.

Calm Dani, control.

She swallowed the anger as quick as it rose.

Huh, maybe that meditation did help a bit.

“Same as Sam. My dad made it for me.” 

Her fingers habitually rose to toy with it, the little wood carving still as sturdy as the day it was made.

Illyana groaned, rolling her eyes. From her posture and infuriating expression, Dani could tell she was already done with this conversation.

Oh I’m sorry, was my dads death not exciting for you? She wanted to scream. 

“Why?” Rahne probed, thankfully dragging her out of what could be a very hateful spiral.

Dani sighed, thinking back to when it was given to her.

“When I was little, I was… I was really afraid of the dark. Like, so afraid, it was impossible… to get me to go to bed. So my dad, he told me a legend of a bear. A Demon Bear… that lives inside of us and feeds off of our fear.”

Roberto smirked, “That’ll help a kid sleep.”

Rahne growled, “Shut up, Berto.”

Dani waited a sec before continuing, claiming her nerves and taming her thoughts.

“So, when you’re born… the bear is tiny and weak. And the older you get… the more afraid we become… the bigger and the stronger the bear gets.  
My dad, he… he made this for me so that I would always remember… how small it was when I was born. So that I would remember to never be afraid.”

Barely a second passed before Illyana interrupted.

The lesbian groaned, why would she expect anything else.

“Enough. Let’s do this!” The Russian ordered, prompting a frenzied Rahne to hastily strap on the equipment.

“Well, come on. Truth.”

Dani sneered, trying to appear daunting, “Why are you here?”

She had hoped it would cause some hesitation, anything really that would prove she’s not as strong as she constantly stated.

But in turn, Illyana couldn’t look more confident.

“Because I killed 18 men. One by one,” she paused, looking around in glee at the horrified expressions, “With my sword, and Lockheed.”

Holy crap.

That, that couldn’t be true??? 

Like, She wouldn’t put it past her. Out of everyone, Dani would handpick Illyana as the murderer. But 18??? 

*The smiling Men* 

She balked, could this be the men she was talking about? Who were they? What were they?

In a desperate attempt to make sense of things, Dani glared at Illyana.

“Your lying!” She accused.

Sam looked at the detector, his face a grim line. 

“No she’s not.”

A bit surprisingly, Illyana looked mad.

“You don’t believe me?!” She bellowed, standing up and ripping off the gear in the process, “I’m the most powerful mutant here!”

Dani shook where she stood, terrified of where she was and who she was with.

The most powerful mutant huh?

Their was no doubt of that now.

—————————————————————

“Today, I’d like to talk about obedience. If you want any hope of moving on… to my superior’s facility… it’s crucial that I know you can be trusted. Yes?”

Dr. Reyes gave them all a stare, a mix of a lecture and criticism, but with a hint of pleading.

Obedience huh?

This was starting to sound quite like a jail.

Dani glanced around the small circle, trying to see if anyone else was buying this.

Rahne looked worried, and it seemed she was trying to hide herself in her large sweater. Hating negative attention.

Roberto didn’t seem to Care, Sam seemed disturbed.

And Illyana looked....

Childish?

It was something Dani was unaccustomed too, as usually, the girl would be off in the corner chatting with Lockheed. 

But this time it wasn’t just the puppet, 

It was her entire being. 

The way she sat, Knees drawn to her chest, arms wrapped around them. Lockheed gently wedged in the middle of all of this.

It looked like she was trying to be small, without looking tight and constrained.

Her expression was the most jarring, as she wasn’t exactly looking anywhere.

Just sitting their, eyes wide open. Seeing things they couldn’t.

She looked disturbed, moreover haunted.

It was something off putting.

Even with Sam getting up, freaking out and saying he just wanted to go home, she didn’t move.

She wasn’t even sure if the blonde blinked.

And this is what Dani hated the most about her.

Not the cruelty, not the loathing, but that fact Dani couldn’t just chalk her up as a bitch and move on!

She would, she’d do so with vengeance, eager to stop thinking about her.

But then she’d appear like this, all childish and haunted. And it hurt Dani more then it should.

She didn’t understand.

She couldn’t understand.

And she still didn’t know why.

——————————————————————

Once again, Dani was cajoled into following everyone, walking in huddled whispers as Illyana peered through Dr. Reyes window.

“What did you do to her?” Dani questioned nervously, catching a glimpse of a limp looking Dr.

The blonde just shrugged and smirked, “I may have spiked her tea.”

....

It was Mayhem! Beautiful chaos and sweaty teens having as much Fun as they physically could!

Berto and Sam were off playing with wheelchairs, Illyana was off somewhere doing who knows what, and Rahne and Dani were jamming out with some tambourines.

Eventually they all collapsed into assorted chairs and couches. Breathing hard, but smiling from ear to ear.

And then, and only then, is when Illyana walked in.

Dani’s eyes practically bugged out of their sockets, for the Russian had stolen Dr. Reyes lab coat, and gosh indescribable feelings were running through her mind.

She walked around, mocking the only Adult figure in their lives.

“Indubitably, it’s indisputable… that you are the absolute worst mutants I’ve ever seen. Ergo, my superior will be very, very disappointed in me.” The blonde ranted, waving her hands dramatically.

“I surmise I may even receive a spanking… for being so, so bad. Oh. Oh, my superior!”

Thumping the couch and getting a rile out of the girls, she finished with waving a cross prayer over her head and chest.

Dani’s cheeks heated immensely, and if asked she would have definitely said it was from all the movement, and not a very particular line the Russian just said.

To draw any attention away from her blush, she asked a puzzling question.

“Yeah, who is this superior she’s always talking about?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Roberto remarked, “You know who the X-Men are, right?”

“Yeah. It’s just, why would we wanna be X-Men?” She questioned.

Heh, More like X-woman if she doesn’t say so herself.

Roberto smiled, popping a wheely on the wheelchair, “Right? I ain’t wearing no suit and fighting people. I’m rich.”

“What, they pay you to be X-Men now?” Sam stated in wonder.

“I wouldn’t mind being an X-Man.” Rahne meekly pipped up from the couch.

Illyana turned to them, “And why would they need a dog?” 

The Jab was efficient, if not actually a bit funny. which is probably why, after a shared glance, they picked up a handful of lucky charms and threw it at her in retaliation.

The Russian rolled her eyes, “Children.”

Dani couldn’t help but grin though.

Right here, Right now.

With friends to goof off with, mysterious Russians to observe in lab coats,

It was the first time in a while Dani felt truly free.

Which was weird if you think about it,

But honestly, 

It made perfect sense.

——————————————————————

So remember when Dani was happy???

Well now she was terrified, and this time not of Illyana (for once) 

She was scared of herself.

Scary things had been happening to her, and now, some very weird stuff was happening in the hospital.

Roberto was on a tirade, adamant in the fact that Illyana tried to kill him.

Which to be honest, Dani kinda doubted. 

Illyana usually put up with Robertos banter, besides the fact she trusted them more then she trusted Dani.

It just seemed improbable.

Anywho, Roberto wanted to leave. Demanding so from Dr. Reyes.

“You’re not going anywhere.” She stated. Eyes burning into their own.

“Yeah?” He quarreled, “Says who?!”

“Says your doctor.”

“Bullshit!” Illyana called, stepping in front of the taller woman, getting in close to her face, “You’re not a doctor. I’ve known men like you. Men who like to keep children trapped in cages. I’ve known them… and I’ve killed them.”

The malice in her voice was undeniable, but WHOA, 

Their was so much to unpack in that one little sentence!

Dani’s head spun just trying too.

Men who keep kids in cages???

Were these the dreaded smiley men??

Was Illyana trapped in a cage before???

She’s KILLED them???

Dani’s inner turmoil was cut off by Dr. Reyes herself.

“She wasn’t in the pool. But I know what you did to me. You’re gonna help the others clean this mess.”

Illyana sneered, stepping in even closer.

“In your dreams.”

Before she could react, Dr. Reyes has snatched up Illyanas wrist, all but dragging her to isolation.

Dani could only watch in horror as she continued, ignoring the screams of rage and anguish.

“Let me out of here! Damn it! I am not dying in here! Do you understand me? Let me out!” Illyanas voice carried down the many halls, which was the only way she heard the last part.

“Initiate Lockdown.”

Holy crap??? Lockdown??? 

Illyana didn’t deserve that! She could 100% bet the Russian was either freaking out or feeling all scared and alone.

If anything she should have taken Roberto as well, if she wanted to stick to a basic rule system.

But Dr. Reyes was no Basic bitch.

No, Dani started to grasp from everything that happened.

She was one of those people her Dad had warned her about.

——————————————————————

Dani woke up in a daze, 

Everything was blurry.

The images of dying mutants still played in her head. Causing violent shivers up her spine.

But someone was screaming.

And Dr. Reyes was running.

No, no one was screaming. That was in her head.

Someone was howling.

Rahne?!

She got up, slowly stumbling across the floor. Nearly collapsing against the doorframe.

Dani blinked rapidly, just managing to clear the dark spots in her vision.

Around the corner, at the edge of the hall, people were crowding around someone.

Dr. Reyes was crouching down, Roberto and Sam were freaking out.

“Rahne?!” Dani called out.

“Oh, my God. Is that real? That’s real. See, I told you. This shit’s real.” Roberto yelled, hands running through his hair in a worried frenzy.

Her throat burned, mind swirling with the possibilities, “What happened to her?”

“You happened.” A steely voice echoed from behind. 

Everyone turned to face Illyana, Rahnes whimpers in the background.

The blonde looked at Dr. Reyes, “It’s Dani. It’s all Dani.”

What??? What did she do?

Was this what had been happening to her?

How could she have done this?

She couldn’t have.

Mutant powers wouldn’t just bring pain to people.

Would they?

Some type of recognition flashed in Dr. Reyes’s eyes.

Illyana started walking towards Dani, her glare filled with murder and hatred.

Somehow, this seemed even more personal and angry then the last time she looked at her this way.

If that was even possible.

“I didn’t do anything.” She meekly protested.

“You brought this evil here!” The blonde barked. 

“I now know your power, new girl,” armor started to crawl down her pale skin, Terrifyingly similar to the last time this happened, minus the sword.

Illyana tensed, glaring with more velocity she had ever seen. 

“Let me show you mine.”

Immediately, she started running, hands out. 

Dani could hear Dr. Reyes protests in the background, but it was no use this time.

Cold hard metal fingers wrapped around her neck, as Illyana lept on top of her.

But that’s not what terrified her surprisingly.

Somehow, Dani had been teleported.

To Where? She had no idea.

The skies were red, streaked with oranges, pinks, and blues.

Everything seemed to be made out of strange metal. The same Illyana wore.

It was terrifying.

It looked like hell. 

What else would have red skies???

Somewhere though, in the back of her mind, it also struck her as beautiful.

To be honest, that also could have just been the lack of oxygen talking.

Oh yeah. She really needed to get Illyana off of her.

She started to really struggle, panic setting in upon seeing the Russians cold merciless face. She truly wanted her to die.

A strange pain grew in the back of her mind. Throbbing in tempo with the thrusts of hands against her windpipe.

In all of this, she was compelled to look into Illyanas cold eyes. Managing to see past the icy barrier.

They were very pretty. And if this was the last thing she saw. In a strangely dark but beautiful world, that wouldn’t exactly disappoint her.

But she really didn’t want to die.

So she started at the blondes eyes, the pain in her head growing.

And then, she saw it.

She wasn’t here anymore.

She was in a room. A cold dark room.

She was seeing it from above.

A little blonde girl dressed in dirty clothes, in a even dirtier bed. Bars on all exits.

And horrifyingly, men.

Tall, lanky, mutated, monsters with masks on their faces. 

Smiley masks.

Oh no.

Smiley men.

The girl screamed as 5 or so men pounced on her all at once.

She snapped out of the vision gasping, only to realize 

1\. She wasn’t gasping, their was barely any air flow.

2\. The vision had only lasted about a second.

She did the only thing she could think of. And pressed forward on the pressure on her head.

She felt something climb across her face, and from the feeling of it. It was a mask.

The look in Illyanas eyes was like no other, as she immediately let go, her screams identical to the ones Dani briefly heard seconds ago.

Dani was transported out of the hellscape, breathing heavily as Illyana fell back, feet pedaling desperately. Continuing to scream right into Dr. Reyes arms. Who instantly stabbed her in the neck with some sedative.

Dani winced, watching the blonde tense with a shriek of rage.

Soon enough, her legs fell limp, along with her arms, and then her chest.

Their was some look of betrayal, something in Illyanas expression, as she leaned in and whispered.

“She’s in our heads. She’ll kill us all.”

And then she was out, head slowly coming down to rest on her shoulder.

With a heave, Dr. Reyes swung her hands underneath the girls arms, and literally DRAGGED her back to her room.

Dani watched, almost in slow motion, as Illyanas beloved puppet fell from her grasp. Her fingers too lax and numb to keep hold. In her spike of Terror she must have grabbed it for comfort.

Dani immediately grabbed it, not wanting it to get lost or stepped on.

People behind her were starting to move. The boys carrying Rahne to Medbay while Sam simultaneously ran for some spare clothes.

She just stared at the puppet in her hands, trying to unpack everything that had just happened.

Through all of it, she was hit with overwhelming guilt. So thick and heavy it clouded her mind.

That memory. It had to be Illyanas.

It would explain so much. 

Why she was guarded.

Why she hated authority and Dani.

Why she hated people in general.

And Dani, she immediately just, used it.

Used it against her.

The pure and unbridled fear that flashed through Illyanas face as she screamed. As she crawled to get away. It would haunt her forever.

Granted she only did it to get out of her grasp, but she still couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

All of this was jarring. 

Illyana, the girl who she was so close to labeling and shoving away. The girl she hated on and off again.

Fear didn’t work.

It didn’t work on her.

It didn’t look good on her. 

It shouldn’t even be around her.

But weirdly enough, 

Fear is probably what shaped her.

She looked down at the dragon in her hands, vaguely remembering a flash of purple in her memory vision.

Making sure no one was looking, she gave it a gentle kiss on the nose.

“Thank you for being their for her.” She whispered solemnly.

She looked back up.

If only someone was their for her now.

——————————————————————

After a quick recharge, and a much longer self pep talk, Dani summoned up the courage to return Illyanas most treasured item.

She stood in front of her door, anxiously deciding if she should knock or not before eventually just going for it. 

After a few meager taps, she slowly opened the door, hearing it slowly creak to life. 

It hurt her heart to see Illyana. But she couldn’t exactly say she was surprised with the sight she saw.

If their was one word to describe the blonde right now, she’d have to say Childish.

She sat criss crossed on the floor, dressed in a pair of drab, but comfy looking sweats and slippers. With a soft grey shirt to match.

Her thumb was inserted into her mouth, her teeth gnawing at it heavily, which Dani assumed is what she usually did if she didn’t have her Comfort item.

Her other hand was occupied by a crayon, multiple drawings lay scattered on the floor, with the art skills of both an adult and a toddler. Pretty accurate dragons with stick figures and weirdly shaped faces,

Dani gulped,

Faces with smileys.

The Russian was surrounded by multiple colored crayons, all strangely rolling back and forth. As if Illyana was a magnet and constantly fighting to keep them close.

And while all of this was drastically different then her usual cold and bitter attitude, it would have to be her posture that affected Dani the most.

She was scrunched together, shoulders drawn in, as if she was trying to protect herself from the entire world. Trying to burying herself inside.

The amount of weakness and infantile mindset hurt her to see, not because she was odd, or made her think she was mental or something. But purely because this demeanor was a direct result of what Dani had done.

Guilt rolled in her stomach like waves.

She clutched the puppet behind her just a little tighter. Trying to calm her nerves.

Dani walked forward a few feet, intently taking in her former-ish opponent, waiting to stop at the slightest flinch or sign or anger.

She noted how Illyana never looked up from her drawing, never looked at Dani.

She couldn’t tell if the blonde was choosing to not look Dani in the eye, or if she was just too deep in her mindset.

Before she knew it, words were tumbling out of her mouth.

“Something’s happening to me, and I can’t control it.” The constant sound of drawing never stopped, accompanied by the vibrato of crayons rolling.

“That place you took me… Was it hell?”

It was both an apology, and a question, something she wasn’t sure if she should be asking.

A few seconds went by, Illyana never stopped drawing. But she did removed her thumb from her mouth, instantly switching over to play with her blonde locks. An equally childish habit. It was obvious she needed constant soothing after what had happened.

A more seconds went by, before she gave a shake of her head, her hair swaying lightly.

“Limbo.” Was her only answer. And even revealing that probably took her an agonizing amount of 

‘Should she say it? Should she not say it’

“The place we made up.” Illyana added. Still not looking up, continuing to draw as if her entire mind would collapse if she didn’t.

Which honestly, might have been true.

“We?” Dani stupidly questioned. Wincing right after, it was obvious who she meant.

The blondes hand was now in her lap, inches away from wrapping around her stomachs. A defensive position.

“Me and Lockheed.” She confirmed.

Ok, here it was. Time to go forth with her reason for coming in.

Dani took another hesitant step forward, slowly crouching down. Never sure if she should look her in the eyes or not.

“I brought someone for you.” She specifically made sure to say. To Illyana, Lockheed was a living breathing thing.

She held out the Dragon from behind her back.  
And only then, is when the drawing stopped.

It was instinct, faster then immediate. How Illyana snatched the puppet and held it to her chest. As if she’d never let him go again.

The look though,

Oh the look.

The look she gave Dani made her want to scream.

Her eyes wide, and breath halted, she stared at her. The amount of vulnerability and weakness she was showing constricting Dani’s heart..

It took her a second to realize she was waiting. 

And this made her angry for some reason.

Illyana was waiting for Dani to make fun of her. To laugh and jeer about how much she needed Lockheed. To point out and attack how vulnerable she was, to strike when she couldn’t muster up the energy to put her shields up.

She wanted to hug her so badly, protect her from whatever made her feel like she anyone would have taken that chance.

But she refrained, as Illyana would probably be off worse if she did, offering a simple encouraging nod. Showing she would not laugh. She would not Jeer. Illyana was safe from heckling from her.

As soon as she did, the Russian turned her head down once again. Stroking Lockheed with her thumb.

Dani waited patiently for her to find her words, this was probably insanely hard for her.

After a few moments, Illyana gave a final look at Dani, as if confirming what she was about to do, before turning her eyes down to where they stayed permanently.

“At first, it was just our special place. We went there in our minds… whenever something bad was about to happen. But we went there so much… stayed there so long… it became real.”

Dani wanted to cry. Limbo was literally the creation of a dissociation problem caused by horrible men doing horrible things. And from everything she’s implied and seen, she was raised like this. Probably kidnapped at a toddler.

“I saw a memory. It wasn’t mine.” She confessed, “Who were they?”

A single tear rolled down the girls porcelain face. Her eyes growing glassy and distanced. As if she was narrating a story that was happening in front of her.

“I never knew their names. They were all the same. They made us cry.” Illyana paused, choking back a sob.

“And it made them smile.” 

The blonde looked so confused, even as she smiled softly, probably some instinct to try and keep her tears at bay. 

But the confusion.

It hurt Dani more then anything else.

These, these MONSTERS. They kidnapped Illyana. They locked her away. They R-rape- 

She couldn’t even think it.

But they’d hurt her. They’d take advantage of her tiny frame. And they were soulless. 

They would smile when she’d cry. Which would probably be the entire time. But it explained everything. Why the monsters she created in her mind always smiled. Cause that’s what they were to her,  
Not evil men with horror filled tendencies, but mutations of men, who wore masks that smiled.

Dani wearily glanced down at the drawing Illyana had been making. A cold sensation filling her when she truly understood it.

Their Illyana lay, as a child, surrounded by tiny swirls of what she has a sneaking suspicion was limbo. 

She was crying.

And all around her, creepy grotesque black hands reached out for her, like shadows on a wall. Accompanied by crude outlines of faces, none with eyes, but all worn jaw-breaking smiles. With teeth as pointy as a needle.

It hurt Dani, to know the truth.

But it also helped her.

It helped her understand.

It helped her understand why Illyana was the way she was.

Their was no words she could offer.

But she did sit their.

She didn’t know for how long.

But she offered her presence where she couldn’t offer comfort.

Hopefully her being their, silently implying she would always be their for her, was comforting.

Illyana never looked back up.

But she didn’t continue drawing.

Dani took it as a sign.

A sign of acceptance.

She felt better inside,

At least they were starting somewhere.

——————————————————————

It was cold and quiet, wherever dani was.

Well more like it was quiet to her, but it was actually very loud.

From what she could see she was back in the blizzard that started this whole journey, but the storm had turned into white noise.

*Take Dani to a safe place.*

A familiar voice seemed to vibrate from every direction.

“Illyana?!” She yelled out into the blinding white.

*are you crazy?! That thing will kill you?!*

That was Sam! 

Wait, what will kill Illyana??? 

Panic started to swell in Dani’s chest.

*he’s right! It’s Magik!*

She conquered that was definitely rahne, but still had no idea what was happening, and what was magic. And what the heck was trying to kill Illyana.

It took a few seconds, but eventually she did hear the blonde reply.

*So am I.*

*illy! NO!* Roberto screamed

And then silence.

Well once again, it was silence to her, but in reality, the muffled sounds of Sam, Rahne, and Roberto echoed in the faintest chambers of her ear.

“Illyana!!!” She screamed, “Sam? Rahne? Roberto?!”

“What’s happening!?!” Dani questioned.

Nothing.

Besides the occasional voice-over from Illyana, or anyone near Illyana, their was absolutely nothing.

In anger, Dani started running. Eyes searching for any sign of life or explanation.

Eventually, she saw the tree she hid in all that time ago.

In reality, it was just about over a week ago.

She quickly hid in it once again, the sturdy but comforting indent protecting her from the storm.

*crunch*

Huh? What was that?! Dani’s head spun to try and identify what was making the continuous noises.

To her mortal surprise and relief, it was her dad.

Oh how she missed and loved him.

“You have to wake up…” he ghosted, “or we’re all going to die.”

Dani shook her head rapidly, she wanted to stay here, stay with her dad.

He smiled that oh so loved smile, “Only you can stop this.”

“I can’t.” She whisper-yelled back.

Her dad started to disappear a bit in the snow.

Tears welled in her eyes, “Dad!”

“I’m so sorry. It wasn’t your fault. But now you need to wake up.” He stated urgently. Starting to get up.

“But the bear,” she worried, “it’s too big.”

He gave her one final look, as she desperately tried to remember every detail in his face.

“Your bigger.”

And with that he was gone.

Leaving Dani to save herself, 

To save everyone.

She just had to WAKE UP!

-“GUH!” Dani woke with a gasp, frantically taking in her surroundings. 

Rahne was about to be eaten by-

-oh gosh! Was that that demon bear???-

Roberto was laying across the room, Sam nearby her, previously watching over her unconscious body.

A final quick glance showed Illyana outside, bruised and battered. Hugging Lockheed while she cried.

No.

A surge of power filled her veins.

She would not let anything make Illyana cry every again.

Dani turned to the demon bear, needing to stop him, stop him now or everyone would die.

Well, first of all rahne.

“NO!” She screamed.

The Bear paused, jaws slowly closing right as he was about to finish rahne off. Her feet touching his nose.

Dani’s stare bored forward, watching the bear turn around.

His gaze was terrifying, but it was only as big as she made it to be.

“Stop. No. No. I’m in charge now. Control. Good.” She soothed. 

The bear had laid down before her, looking confused, and honestly, scared.

Dani felt her hand drift to her bear necklace, holding it tightly, and feeling her Fathers kind smile run through her mind.

“Everything is gonna be okay. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. But it’s time to go to sleep now.” 

A few more seconds passed, and the bear slowly turned to dust, blowing away in the wind.

She took a few moments to compose herself, glancing around at everyone.

They all looked unsteady. 

Roberto holding a piece of plywood to cover himself up, cause apparently, he went all firecracker, and apparently, that means his clothes disappeared.

Sam looked even more injured, if that was possible, but his eyes held a new light she’d never seen before.

Rahne was climbing down from where she’d been hanging.

And the two shared a glance, a powerful one at that.

Where Rahne acknowledged she knew Dani didn’t feel the same way she did. But accepted it and support whoever she did.

Dani replied with a nod of her own, conveying how much she loved and cherished their friendship, and although she didn’t see it like that, she did love her.

And finally, Illyana. 

She stood in the corner, on top of a small pile of rubble. Face tear stained, but with a smile that seemed more truthful then anything.

Dani’s gaze lingered on her.

Their was something she needed to say, wanted to at least.

She didn’t know if she could.

But everyone needed to take a break and regroup. Which she respected and proceeded to do so herself.

....

Eventually they came back to the front of the hospital.

Either mindless shifting through destroyed remains or lost in their thoughts.

Dani felt the need to say something,

“Thank you. Thanks, all of you. For saving me.”

Rahne gave her an incredulous look, “Are you kidding? You saved us.”

In her peripheral view, Dani saw Sam throw something. 

A few seconds later his eyes widened.

“Hey guys?” He called out, drawing attention, “The domes gone.”

Illyana looked confused, if not in disbelief. 

“So we’re free?”

Dani found herself migrating over to where the blonde sat, hands habitually playing with Lockheed.

Behind her, Roberto responded.

“Reyes always said the nearest town… is 20 miles away.”

She stood in front of Illyana. Capturing her gaze, and slowly, held out her hand.

The blonde looked a bit fearful, “She could be lying.”

Dani did not waver. She would wait. She would wait and see. Cause that’s how Illyana worked and she was ok with that.

After a few seconds of contemplating, Illyana smiled, one that spread a bit of color to her ivory cheeks. She reached out and in twined her hand with Dani’s, returning her gaze.

“Shall we find out?” The blonde smiled wider.

Dani felt a smile of her own appearing, and nodded back joyfully.

Everyone quickly went to grab their stuff.

Dani didn’t really have much, and anything she did Rahne offered to carry in her backpack, as she didn’t have anything to put it in.

But for the majority of time, she was with Illyana, either holding her hand. Or patiently waiting while she packed and said goodbye to the only walls she’s known for a while.

Dani knew not to offer her help in packing.

This was the Russians space.

And every corner offered memories.

She ended up packing all her crayons, an inordinate amount of paper, all the clothes she could fit, a handful of marbles, a book or two, and unquestionably, Lockheed.

Who she just tucked into her back pocket for safe keeping.

Before they left Illyana reached her hand back out for Dani to take, a act so trusting and caring she smiled so hard she could feel her jaw almost break.

And then she immediately dimmed it down cause she knew wide smiles weren’t Illyanas thing.

More like medium ones.

Medium ones she was ok with.

The two continually held hands as everyone walked towards the gate. Away from a monumental part of their lives.

And right as they passed it, Illyana gave one glance back, then kissed Dani on the cheek.

She felt her cheek warm up where her lips had touched it. The feeling spreading through her body.

It felt like an act of homage of some sort.

Like The hospital was her old life,

And Dani was her knew one.

She liked it.

And so, for the next few minutes, her and Illyana, although regulated a bit.

Made sure to Smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos for Illyana love ❤️ 
> 
> Also hope this was worth your time!
> 
> Part 2 in who knows how long 😂


End file.
